I am posting this under a new user name because I know nobody would read it if it was posted by “someday”.
Ever since that day at the studio I’ve felt a strange sense of peace. I haven’t cried or felt the constant anxiety I’ve felt since Mace’s hip surgery. I have only taken a half a Xanax a couple times in the morning when my stomach is about to barf.
Spending such precious moments and time playing music with Tracey since the Gordon Lightfoot concerts has changed me. Attending that concert also gave Tracey the inspiration to get up out of her bed and make this recording. For someone who knows she is dying and to be at peace with her choice of Divine Spirit is an amazing thing. Her spirituality is contagious. I have found my self “P”ing a lot more lately than I have ever done in my life. Things have changed. I feel different, but in a good way.
Tracey’s lyrics reflect everything that is precious to her and how she can die in peace and be in that nice place with puffy white clouds, angels and such, knowing it’s a better place than her life her on earth. It also occurred to me that most of you who have been offended at my posts would also be offended at a lot of the music on our new CD. Is that was this world is coming to? Having to put a warning label on a CD because some of the lyrics contain the “G” word? What a sad, sad time it is we are living in.
Will I miss her? Yes. Will I be devastated when she dies? Yes. Will I be happy that she’s not in pain anymore? Yes. Will I do her hair and makeup before her funeral? Yes.
With that being said, I wish to apologize for any posts most of you people who used to be my friends, found offensive. If one of the Moderators of this board would have taken two minutes to send me an e-mail, Private Message or perhaps a post in one of my threads to inform me there was a problem with me asking for “P” s or saying the “G” word, all of this could have been avoided. I looked on the member list and found two Moderators.
Did either of them tell me there was a problem? No.
Instead, you just put me on your ignore list and didn’t say a word about it to me, leaving me to think that maybe it was a jealousy issue, for having gotten some nice pictures with Gordon Lightfoot or getting to meet him the first time I saw him in concert. I also ask your forgiveness for having those unwarranted and paranoid thoughts.
At least one of you was kind enough to tell me what the real reason was for people giving me the cold shoulder treatment and I thank you. Now I don’t have to wonder anymore about the reason. That kind of thing hasn’t happened to me since I was a kid in elementary school. You know the kind of thing where you show up for school one day and all the kids have turned against you? When nobody will speak to you or let you eat lunch at their table and you helplessly wonder what you did to make them treat you that way?
I started to delete all of my posts that contained the “G” or “L” word and the ones I made for “P” requests. Once I started deleting them, I just couldn’t stop and just got rid of them all. I figured it would make it easier for you guys to block me out, so it would be like I never existed in the first place. Maybe I was over-reacting but oh well, I figured some of you would appreciate the effort on my part.
With that, I say goodbye. There was a lesson to be learned here and I surely learned mine.
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