As far as cereal, I'll go with Cream of Wheat for similar reasons as timetravelers oatmeal, but Cream of Wheat is a little smoother. Oatmeal can get kind of lumpy sometimes.
Yuri your Naughty Pines are hilarious; at first I didn't see anything unusual but after a moment of looking, suddenly... "oh my!!!!!"
Offensive? Not even close!